Scroll down or click link to read: 1️⃣ Definition 1️⃣.1️⃣ Gaslighting Info-graph 2️⃣ Gaslighting behaviours. 3️⃣ Classic Gaslighting lines are. 4️⃣ Beware of Gaslighting ceasefires. 5️⃣ How to cope with Gaslighting behaviour ✴️ Link to Though Awareness Worksheet
1️⃣ Definition
The behaviours of Gaslighting are often disguised as the ‘we want to help you’ as the ‘we only wants the best for you.’ Gaslighting is always used to convince you that you are overreacting or even losing your sanity. Even though you are perfectly sane and do know what’s going on. Gaslighting is used to try to cover something that they’ve done, that they know is not right. So they do this by trying to make you doubt yourself and your memory of what really happened.
You won’t want to believe that a professional Organisation would try to trick you into doubting yourself. As this is not how trusted health care professionals behave. Bingo. This is exactly how they sow the seeds of doubt in your mind. Sensing your confusion, they use their position of power to sway you into believing that their own thoughts, opinions and memories are the true facts. Until they grow into a forest of uncertainty about your memory and grasp of the events and understanding of the facts.
1️⃣.1️⃣ Gaslighting Info-graph
The genius of gaslighting is as no one takes you seriously, you begin to doubt what you have seen and heard with your own eyes and ears. You feel confused and conflicted that you may have misheard or misjudged them. At this point, the NHS has you exactly where they want you. Not able to believe in yourself.
2️⃣ Gaslighting behaviours:
If the Organisation responds by apologising and correcting their facts, then this is not gaslighting but a simple error. However if they respond by deny your reality, and continue to try and convince you that you are mistaken, confused etc. The on balance, this is gaslighting behaviour.
The Gaslighting behaviour include:
▶️ Denial,
▶️ contradicting and/or ‘nit picking’ your facts to make you question your intelligence and understanding of the issues with the use of ‘complicated counting’. By adding new figures and/or subtracting key facts.
▶️ Then reconstructing the reality of what happened.
▶️ Using the evolutionary I feel shame so I will blame you game to make you feel self-shame and self-blame.
▶️ using misdirection and diversionary of the facts or to distract you from the real issue/s
3️⃣ Classic Gaslighting lines are:
▶️ Are you sure as I do not think that happened?
▶️ Could it be, you did not understand the process.
▶️ “I am the Doctor, Nurse, Complaint Handler etc”
▶️ I do not understand what it is you are trying to say.
▶️ “No one has ever disagreed with me before?”
▶️ I did not say that.
3️⃣.1️⃣ It makes you:
▶️ doubt yourself
▶️ feel confused.
▶️ Question your sanity.
3️⃣.3️⃣ Gaslighting takes unfair advantage of the unequal power Doctor/patient relationship and the feel they have a right to question your integrity by continously denying your:
▶️ sequence of events,
▶️ your memories or
▶️ your feelings.
3️⃣.4️⃣ Until, the ‘sparks’ of your confusion and bewilderment cause you to either:
▶️ explode into the fight mode of stress.
▶️ run as fast as you can of the flight of stress mode.
4️⃣ Beware of Gaslighting ceasefires.
Unexpectedly, every now and again. The organisation will throw you a morsel of kindness or fake sympathy. AKA honey poting. Beware. The temporary cease fire is not a change of heart but an attempt to reel you in.
Making you wonder if you misjudged them and causing you to question your ability to interpret the situation/person. Again.
4️⃣.1️⃣ When the organisation reverts to form. This creates more
▶️ confusion,
▶️ betrayal &
▶️ more more production of your threat-stress hormones.
4️⃣.2️⃣ Which leads to a further questioning of your
▶️ judgement and
▶️ your powers of perception.
Which inevitably leads to a further loss of trust in Health Service employees across the board.
5️⃣ How to cope with Gaslighting behaviour
▶️ if you feel you are not going insane or you have misunderstood. Talk to someone safe. Someone who is removed from the issue and explore their perspective on the Organisational behaviour and your ‘misunderstanding’. But be a little bit wary as the respect for the Hewlth profession may cloud the judgement of others.
▶️ Its often helpful to put some space between you and the Organisation and take time for yourself. To get things back into prespective.
▶️ Try using thought awareness to correct any irrational thinking to clarify in your own mind that you, your skills, your body of evidence and your actions did not deserve to be treated in this way.
⏭ Link to thought awareness worksheet
▶️ Read these info-graphs before deciding if it is in your interests to attend any face-Face or online NHS Local Resolution meeting.
▶️ Don’t be confrontational but at the same time don’t allow them to think you accept their position because they are the ‘experts’. Give them permission to save face and change their facts and stance. With the use of lines such as ‘with the introduction of this new information’. Yet remember that statistically its unlikely you will convince them that they are wrong.
▶️ When you are with them. Keep all communication time limited, and as simple and direct as possible. It is implied that you try to record the conversation, but if this is not allowed. Use the minutes of the meeting template to make a written account. Which should be emailed or sent via signed for mail, to all parties as soon as possible after the meeting.
▶️ If you start to find their behaviour distressing or overwhelming, remember that this bad behaviour is not personally directed at you. They are scared that their bad behaviour will be uncovered and this will damage their reputations and/ or livelihoods.
▶️ If you feel overwhelmed at any point, it is your right to demand a break or a postponement of the meeting.
